"by the old gods, and the new..."

I think Game of Thrones is in my head more than I am. Problematic, perhaps.

My husband and I have been watching Game of Thrones together, lately. We started it with our roommates, and then our schedules were wonky and not aligned at all so I progressed through season 5 with one of our roommates, while another roommate lost interest, and my husband was left in the dust at episode 3 of season 2 for a WHILE.

He didn't feel much like watching it by himself, for some reason. Very odd, indeed, it is SUCH a picker-upper.....

Anywho, the roommate I kept watching with has been doing a show out of town for several weeks, and to keep my Game of Thrones fix in motion (and to catch my husband up) I started watching with him from way back where he was.

I have re-watched episodes that I struggled with tremendously (TREMENDOUSLY) the first time. I have picked up on a few extra details that I didn't catch the first time through (and have been incredibly frustrated by some of them). And I've still been so invested in the story (though now I tend to strategically look at my phone when I know something gruesome is about to happen).

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I get overly invested in stories. I get overly invested in a lot of things, I think that's a large part of my current struggles; I still feel so invested in a school that I graduated from. I'm done. I did a thing, and still, it somehow doesn't feel over the way it probably should.

It's a little embarassing to admit, but this happened when I graduated high school, too. So many others were so ready to graduate and get a move on. They had goals and plans and they were straining to get to them a.s.a.p. I was very much not that way; I continued volunteering to help with backstage work (my best friend at the time was the daughter of the drama instructor, so it wasn't THAT weird... I was just helping my best friend and her family, and getting a weird fix for being back where I wanted to be at the same time....) I was like season whats-it of Glee where somehow 3/4 of the alumni managed to find their way back to the high school choir room within the year following their graduation.

I used to think it was a Peter Pan complex (and actually, maybe it is, I don't have a therapist so I have to figure out stuff on my own the long way). I think, instead of a Peter Pan complex, it's more of a Tinkerbell complex.
Why does Tink hold on so tightly to Peter? Peter is, in many ways, kind of the worst. Tink doesn't get treated all that well by Peter, but she contributes to his cause and that is satisfactory and pleasing to her. She can't let go of him. She wants to see him succeed, and she wants to help him with the talents and powers she has to offer. Maybe Disney saw that this was the case and that's why they started a whole Tinkerbell series, to redeem the character and make her strong and independent (or maybe it was a money thing. Who knows?).

I don't understand why I latch on so tightly to things. Even when I don't like a job, I'm sad to leave it. Even when I'm considering leaving a place behind because it doesn't seem to be good for me, I feel sad about leaving it. Because what about all the opportunities? Surely I didn't do enough to make this place/this job/this whatever what it should have been. It's my fault... Right?

Seven hells, it's so gross. Would Arya Stark latch on to her situations like this? No, she wouldn't. Sure she's a little bit of a sociopath, but SHE WOULDN'T SELF-PITY LIKE THIS. I don't plan to Arya Stark my way through life, that would be crazy, but she's admirable because she keeps kicking against the constraints that others try to put on her.

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I may need to watch less Game of Thrones. But we're halfway through season 4 already! I'm catching up to where I was before! I'm stubborn, and can't let go!....

I read somewhere recently that INFJ personalities (ayyyyy, that's me) envelop themselves in imagination/other worlds because they struggle with accepting the real world around them.

Weird.

I swear, by the old gods and the new, I'm really good at staying invested stricly in the real world... (Good thing it's a fictional world, or that might have been a sacreligious thing to say).