Monday, December 11, 2017

generous, nurturing, hopeless

So, the other day I came across a little "test" of sorts via the Facebook. A friend had posted a test/game where three different crossword puzzles appeared in sequence. What one is meant to do is latch on and remember the first word they see as each of the three crossword puzzles appear. My three words, in sequence, were:

Generous
Nurturing
Hopeless

Once I had completed this test/game, the video explained to me that each word means something to the participant.

Word number one is how you see yourself.
Word number two is how you think others see you.
Word number three is how you view your future.

Boom. Ouch. True. It's so silly but it's truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue. Especially today. The lost feeling I mentioned back in June is absolutely still a thing. I'm a smidge better at handling it (most of the time) now, but it remains. Money is difficult in a new and expensive place, directly after being a full-time student. Especially being married to a person who ALSO was so recently a full-time student. When one hears about being poor, one thinks "what a bummer." When one experiences being poor, one feels incredibly stuck. And we're quite priviledged, as being poor goes. Complaining about our woes feels almost ridiculous. So, we're just a little stuck. And lost. And hoping we get ourselves into a better situation soon. But hope sometimes feels silly, too. And hopes get dashed too easily when one already feels vulnerable. *Sigh*

Hopeless is a stupid word.

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